The Love Hate Phase

Lately I've been realizing that two-year-olds all go through almost the exact same phases because my cousin will say something about her daughter's newest phase.  Her daughter is six months behind my daughter in age, so I am regularly reminded of my daughter's most memorable toddler phases.  Currently, my cousin's daughter, E, is going through The Mommy Phase.  My cousin is saying that she can't get anything done because E is glued to her leg every second.  By glued I mean won't let go, even if she is trying to walk.  I remember it well.  My daughter, J, did it too.

J and I are in a different phase now, though.  I thought The Mommy Phase was rough, but The Love Hate phase (my name for it) is worse.  I learned online today that some psychologists call this phase 1st adolescence because the struggle for independence is similar to the struggle children go through in adolescence.  This morning my daughter had taken off her nightgown in bed.  After that she refused to wear any more clothing other than her diaper, which she thought about for a while first.  We weren't going anywhere, and I didn't feel like fighting her, so I just let her run around in her diaper.  I had some potty training underwear we were going to try, but she really didn't want to wear those.  (By really didn't want to, I mean she took them off and threw them across the room after I wrestled them on her.)

I call this phase The Love Hate Phase because she wants me around all of the time, just like in The Mommy Phase.  However, much of the time she also really doesn't like me.  She tests me all of the time.  For example, earlier she was bouncing a ball in the house.  I told her to stop bouncing the ball in the house, so she went in the kitchen to bounce the ball.  I told her to stop bouncing the ball again, and she started screaming, "NO!" and throwing the ball.  I walked over to talk to her about it, and she laughed and ran away.  When I caught up with her I took the ball and told her I was putting it up because we only bounce and throw balls outside, and she wasn't listing to me.  That was when the tantrum ensued.  She pushed and hit me.  She fell on the floor screaming.  She thrashed and kicked.  She threw things.  This has been happening several times a day for the last couple of weeks.

Then she put herself in her room and closed the door yelling, "NO MOMMY!  LEAVE ME ALONE!"  I don't really know why because I'm not bothering her.  I'm actually quite happy she's decided to stay in her room because that's where I was about to put her anyways.  She seems pretty serious about me leaving her alone, though.  If I really leave her alone, she will be devastated and want me to come back.  It's a love-hate relationship.  "Leave me alone," must be some sort of toddler language meaning, "I'm frustrated with you, and I don't know why."  I sure wish she could tell me, though.  These are the worst tantrums she's ever had, and I really hope we move through them soon!